Showing posts with label Dear So and So. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Dear So and So. Show all posts

Friday, February 12, 2010

Dear So and So - New York/New Jersey Edition


Dear So and So...


Dear New York & New Jersey,

I have been so irritated with you the past few weeks that this entire post is devoted to you!

1. When the train doors open, step aside and let the arriving passengers off first before you crowd the door and push your way in. Things will move a lot faster... I promise.

2. If you are not going to make a clean entry onto the train, wait for the next one that will be along in approximately 3 - 5 minutes. Do not stand there like an idiot holding the door. You're not funny and all you're doing is making the rest of us late.

3. How about everyone go up one side of the stairs and down the other.

4. Put your umbrella away. It is only snow and you look like an idiot.

5. While we're on the topic of umbrellas... how about learn how to work yours. Walking with your umbrella directly in front of you face is not the correct way to walk with an umbrella.

6. It is not necessary to walk out in the street and in front of traffic while waiting for the light to change. Just because I prefer to stand on the curb out of the way of traffic does not mean you need to push me out of the way because you need to stand in traffic.

7. Oh, and by the way, if you're in your vehicle approaching an intersection and you see the light changing to yellow why not stop on the other side of the intersection instead of stopping in the middle of it. I'm not sure if you're aware but when the light turns yellow that means that it is going to be red shortly. All you're doing now is blocking eveyrone from advancing to their final destinations.

8. When there is a half empty train platform, is it really necessary for you to stand right next to me?

9. How about when you're exiting or entering the train? Is it also necessary for you to be right on my ass for no apparent reason? I don't know you so back off!

10. If you're in that much of a hurry to get somewhere you should have left earlier!

~AKO

Sunday, September 20, 2009

Dear So and So... Seriously... Enough Already!


Dear So and So...


Dear Clients,

No I will not call you right now and I will not respond to your questions today when you send an email at 4:00 in the afternoon. Remember I've got other things to do as well and cannot drop everything to work on your problem. AND I will not be escalating your non-production issue request.

Regards,
Your Project Manager's Boss

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Dear House,

Please proceed with your cleaning. I've done enough and would appreciate that you finish the job yourself.

Thanks,
Tired House Renter

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Dear Homies on the Corner,

Really? Are you that deaf that you need to play your music that loud? I can hear it so I'm assuming you can hear it too. I hope you are enjoying my afternoon with Garth, Alan, Jodee, Carrie, Madonna, and NKOTB. And, yes, I'm the one who called the cops!

*sigh*
Dialing 311 in Brooklyn

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Dear Detroit Tigers,

Please get your act together! It is really getting old when you blow it in the last two weeks of the season... every year! There is no reason why you shouldn't clinch the AL Central Division this year. You've now lost 3 in a row and MUST beat the Twins today to stay in it!

Sincerely,
Nervous Tiger fan in NY

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Dear C-Lo,

Yes, you are cute and furry :)

Love,
Mommy


C-Lo


~AKO

Saturday, August 29, 2009

Dear So and So... Must You Be So Difficult?


Dear So and So...


Dear Hurricane Danny,

If you're going to hit the East Coast, do it already! Our weekend is pretty much ruined because you may or may not dump a monsoon on us.

Regards,
New York

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Dear Citibank,

You suck! Closing an account because we supposedly "violated" one of your many rules without a phone call is rude and not very customer friendly. How about a phone call to discuss the issue when you noticed the violation?? Sending a letter to our old address after mail forwarding has expired is not the correct response! And lets not get started the the random fees that just started popping up!

Sincerely,
Soon to be Members of a Different Bank

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Dear People of Cypress Hills,

I'm not sure why you all feel that everyone needs to experience your choice in music, but is it really necessary that my house should vibrate as well? I really should not have to close my windows because I cannot even hear my own TV above your music. Please keep in mind that, just because you don't have anywhere to be, some of us do have to get up before noon for our jobs. Let's keep an eye on the clock and consider your neighbors after 10pm!

Thank You,
Sleepless in Cypress Hills

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Dear Harley,

Thank you for NOT being difficult and only asking for the simple things in life... your spider, milk ring, love, attention and (of course) wet kitty food...

Love,
Mommy


Harley


~AKO